I'm scared i won't ever find love but that's the only thing i've ever wanted
Is anyone else afraid that they are never gonna find love again?
It was around 5 o'clock when I found myself at the old white house that had just been done up. This place was familiar to me - it had belonged to my late granddad, a house that hadn't been touched since he passed away during the Vietnam War. As I stood there, taking in the changes, my phone suddenly buzzed.
That call was from one of my high school friends. She has been laser-focused on building up her career over the past few years. She's been pouring a ton of time and energy into advancing in her field and honing her professional skills. That's been her top priority.
At the same time, she's also tried dipping her toes into the online dating world, hoping to maybe meet a potential romantic partner. But so far, she hasn't had much luck on that front.
She's starting to feel a bit frustrated and confused about it. She keeps wondering, "What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't anyone seem interested in me?" I've talked it over with her a bit, and I think I might be able to help her pinpoint a few of the potential underlying issues.
One thing I've noticed is that while she verbally expresses a strong desire to find a relationship, her actual thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours don't always seem to align with that goal. There's a bit of a disconnect happening there. She might need to do some deeper self-reflection to get clear on what she truly wants and then work on adjusting her mindset and actions accordingly.
This is a challenge that a lot of single people face—they want to manifest love in their lives, but there are unconscious blocks or problematic habits getting in the way.
What does it mean to “manifest”
Manifestation is the subconscious mind's way of finding solutions to the things we obsess over through our thoughts and actions. We do this without even realising it daily. But what if we could harness this power and redirect it in a more positive direction?
Think of your mind and emotions as a giant magnet. The reality you experience is directly correlated to the thoughts you've been cultivating internally. Your feelings and hopes can be powerful, but it's important not to get carried away - simply fixating on a crush all day isn't going to make them fall into your lap.
Instead, take a step back and reflect on what you genuinely want in a relationship. Look at your dating history and patterns - what's been working for you, and what areas could use some improvement? Once you have a clear vision, you can start aligning your thoughts, feelings and behaviours to attract that.
The tricky part is that
“If deep down you don't believe you'll find the love you desire, your actions will end up pushing away the very people who could be a great match.”
We have to get honest with ourselves first before we can manifest what we want. The good news is, our minds are incredibly powerful tools. By consciously directing our focus and energy, we can shape the reality we experience, including our romantic lives. It just takes a bit of self-awareness and intention-setting. Why not give it a try?
The #1 secret to manifesting love
The juicy part of finding the love of your life involves a few key steps
Step 1: Describe your ideal partner
It's a great idea to take some time and reflect on the kind of relationship you'd ideally like to have. Thinking about the couples you admire can be insightful - what is it about them that you find so admirable? Is it their caring nature, their protectiveness, or something else?
And it can also be valuable to look back on any past dating experiences and identify the traits that didn't work well for you. That can help you get clearer on the qualities you'll want in a future partner.
Of course, we all know there's no such thing as a 'perfect' person. But if you were to ask me to describe my ideal partner, here is the list:
Emotionally Intelligent: Making me feel safe and comfortable by being attuned to my emotional needs. Able to communicate effectively and listen attentively.
Career-Oriented: Ambitious and focused on professional growth, but able to balance work and personal life.
Positive Social Circle: Surrounded by a supportive network of good friends who share their values.
Healthy Lifestyle: Doesn't engage in excessive drinking or substance use. Takes care of their physical and mental well-being.
Expressing Love: Understands and speaks the five love languages - words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts.
Step 2: Start visualising your partner
Okay, let's continue exploring this idea of your ideal partner. After taking the time to reflect on the key qualities you're looking for, it's great that you're now trying to match that vibration and get excited about that vision.
When you think about the person you'd love to have as a partner, try to be as clear and detailed as possible. What does this person look like? What are their personality traits? How do they make you feel when you imagine being with them? The more vividly you can picture this person, the more you'll be able to align yourself with that positive energy.
Step 3: Journalising
In my journal, I'd start by recounting the key qualities I identified for my ideal partner in the previous steps. I'd write something like:
"When I think about the person I'd love to have as a partner, a few core attributes really stand out to me. Firstly, they would be emotionally intelligent and deeply attuned to my needs. I envisage us being able to communicate openly and honestly with each other, really understanding one another on a profound level.
They would also be career-driven, ambitious and passionate about their work, yet still maintain a healthy work-life balance. Having that drive and sense of purpose is important to me, but I wouldn't want it to come at the expense of quality time together.
And I picture them being surrounded by a positive, supportive social circle - the kind of person who spreads good energy wherever they go. Someone who is committed to living a healthy, active lifestyle, which is something I value highly.
As I dwell on this vision, I feel a real sense of excitement and hope. I can imagine us sharing adventures, supporting each other's goals, and creating a loving, fulfilling relationship. The more I focus on these qualities, the more real and tangible this ideal starts to feel."
I'd encourage you to expand on these points in your own words, getting specific about the qualities that matter most to you. The key is reinforcing this vision by revisiting your journal entry regularly. This helps cement the image of your ideal partner in your mind and heart.
Step 4: Imagine as if you have already been in that relationship
Let's imagine the person you're interested in is right here with you now. How would you act towards them? The key is to focus on taking care of yourself first so that you can be the best possible partner.
Don't worry about comparing yourself to others - that's just exhausting. Instead, take some time to reflect on your own strengths and unique qualities. For example, maybe you see yourself as a creative, caring, and ambitious person. Wonderful! Lean into those positive traits and work on cultivating them even more.
It's also important to make sure you feel good about yourself on the inside. Do things that help you feel beautiful and confident, whether that's a self-care routine, dressing in a way that makes you feel great, or practising positive self-talk. When your partner sees how comfortable and content you are in your own skin, they'll be naturally drawn to all the wonderful things that make you, you.
Step 5: Know the Signs
Once you've completed the previous steps, you don't have to just sit back and wait. But be attentive to the signs when that special person is present. Take action when you recognise those signs. Follow through on the opportunity.
Don't let loneliness drive you to settle for meaningless relationships with people who don't align with your goals. Doing so sends a message to the universe that you're willing to accept less than what you truly desire. You'll only end up attracting similar types of unsuitable partners.
Instead, stay focused on what you want. The universe has a way of bringing the right people into your life when you communicate your intentions.
Step 6: Maintain an Open Mind
The final step can be one of the most challenging. As I mentioned before, it's important not to settle for someone who doesn't align with your core goals and values. But what about someone who checks most of the boxes, say 80% of what you're looking for?
It's worth considering giving that person a chance, rather than automatically ruling them out. For instance, one of my preferences is finding someone who has all 5 love languages. But what if they're a bit lacking in the acts of service? Would I be willing to have an open conversation with them about it, to see if they're receptive to improving in that area? Or would I simply write them off?
Being overly rigid with your criteria may cause you to miss out on someone who could be an excellent match, even if they don't tick every single box. Maintaining a bit of flexibility can open you up to unexpected opportunities. It's about finding the right balance between having standards and being willing to compromise on less essential qualities.
Okay, I did everything you said. So, how long will it take for me to find love?
I'm afraid I can't give you a definitive timeline for when you'll find love, my dear. That's not something anyone can predict with certainty. It could happen today or tomorrow. Love has a way of finding us when we least expect it.
The best thing you can do is focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Work on personal growth, pursue your passions and put yourself out there. Be open to the possibilities and don't get too caught up in the timeline. Love has a funny way of sneaking up on us when we least anticipate it.
How do I know if my manifestation is on its way?
I can't say exactly when, but here are some signs to reassure you that you’re heading in the right direction: If you find yourself meeting or dating people who seem “better” than those before, that’s a good sign.
It really depends on what you’re looking for. Personally, I value emotional intelligence the most. I look for people who make me feel safe and heard, and don’t leave me feeling triggered or down after talking to them. Lately, I've been encountering more of these people. That’s how I know I’m on track.
And if you ever feel frustrated, like the universe is testing you, don’t worry. Exes often come back into the picture (or maybe it’s just my experience), but the real test is whether you revert to old patterns or recognise your self-worth now.
Does it actually work?
Yes, it has worked for many people, and I believe it can work for you too. The key is to maintain faith in finding your ideal partner and taking actions that align with attracting that person.
However, if you consistently find it difficult or attract the wrong kind of people—those who aren't interested in a relationship with you—there may be deep-rooted issues that need addressing. It could be helpful to take a test to identify any insecure attachment issues that require resolution. Therapy can be very beneficial if you discover you have such issues; if that's not an option, reading more about how to heal can also be beneficial.
Personally, I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, and understanding this helped me realise why I craved love yet pushed people away. It explained my tendency to obsess over someone and my struggles with sensitivity, social anxiety, depression, and lack of boundaries. Through various methods and a gradual process, I've learned to cope with these challenges. Now, my mind feels clearer, and I find it easier to express my thoughts.
Remember, you can manifest the people you want, but not the other way around. Hoping that your crush will love you back won't make it happen. I sincerely hope you eventually find love because you deserve it.