My go-to vetting method for dating

What you should look for in a potential date

Alright, so you’re drawn to someone, maybe even feel that electric “this could be it” feeling, but you’re also asking, Is this person worth my time? You’re done with investing energy in someone who’s half-in, and you’re serious about finding a partner who’s truly ready to commit.

Been there. After years of mistakes, I’ve cracked a simple strategy that’s saved me from heartache and frustration. I call it vetting.

What is Vetting?

You’ve met someone, and they seem great. But before you dive in headfirst, you need to dig deeper. Vetting is all about taking a closer look to make sure they’re the right person for you - because love is great, but it’s not everything. Compatibility, shared values, and long-term goals are what turn attraction into lasting commitment.

So, here’s how you can vet your potential partner without making it feel like an interrogation

1. Don’t Let Attraction Distract You

We’ve all been there—head-over-heels for someone, ignoring the signs because we’re under the influence of those brain chemicals (dopamine, noradrenaline, you name it). These neurochemicals can hijack your rational thinking, making it easy to get swept away. So, have some tools in place to keep your head clear. Attraction is powerful, but you need to see beyond the chemistry to find the real compatibility.

2. Get Clear on the Relationship You Want

Most people obsess over finding a person, but even more crucial is getting clear on the relationship you want to create. What does it look like? How does it feel day-to-day? Knowing this before you start vetting someone is key. So, before diving in, have an upfront conversation about what you’re both looking for. You might worry that it’ll scare them off, but better to find out early if they’re not on the same page, right?

3. Be Upfront About What’s Important to You

Dating advice often says, “Don’t call too much, don’t seem too interested,” but if you’re after a genuine connection, that approach backfires. If you crave contact, affection, and closeness, don’t pretend you’re indifferent. Pretending doesn’t lead to compatibility; it leads to frustration. You may worry it’ll make you look “needy,” but the truth? Being upfront actually attracts people who want the same things.

Be the Kind of Person You’d Want to Date

You know what’s underrated? Being clear about what you actually want in a relationship. Imagine if, instead of waiting for someone to guess at who you are or what you need, you came out and said it upfront. That’s confidence. That’s a move that says, “This is who I am, and I’m worth knowing.”

If you can articulate the kind of relationship you’re after—something honest, something real—it doesn’t just make you look assertive. It gives the other person a roadmap to connect with you, or to walk away. And if they’re not on board? Even better. Let them leave, and save yourself the time. There are plenty of people out there who actually want the same things—someone who values open communication, affection, and a bit of vulnerability.

Think about it: imagine saying, “I want a relationship that’s grounded in honesty. I want someone who’s there when things are tough.” If that scares someone off, let them go. Because the right person? They’ll hear that and think, “Finally, someone who gets it.”

Know the Principles Your Relationship Stands On

It’s one thing to say you want a deep, lasting connection; it’s another to actually know what that looks like. Take a moment to define the principles you want your relationship to rest on. Do you value empathy? Fairness? Consistent support? These are the building blocks that turn a good connection into a powerful one. That’s how you build the real deal—a relationship where both people feel safe and secure.

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll find yourself holding back, worrying that you’re “too much.” But when you’re clear about what you’re after, you’re not demanding—you’re discerning. You’re setting the bar for what you’ll give and what you expect.

Final Thoughts

Dating advice that matters? It’s this: have the conversation about what you’re looking for upfront. It’ll save you from wasting time with people who aren’t aligned, and it’ll attract the ones who are ready to show up in the way you deserve.

So, stop holding back. Show up as the person you’d want to date, and watch the quality of your connections change.