Self limiting beliefs among my single girlfriends

Love Isn’t an Algorithm—Stop Treating It Like One

The Brutal Reason You’re Still Single (And It’s Not the Dating App Algorithm)

I had a long conversation with a female friend who’s been single her entire life. She was discouraged, convinced that dating apps had changed to make it impossible to meet anyone. She also believed our area was just too small to find a partner.

I get it. Dating can feel frustrating. But I also have multiple friends who met their partners on dating apps—including myself. Another friend just celebrated her one-year wedding anniversary.

Her response? “Because she’s more soft and gentle.” As if attraction was some kind of personality lottery that she didn’t win.

That’s when I realised—she wasn’t actually blocked by the dating app algorithm or the size of our town. She was blocked by her own limiting beliefs.

Limiting Belief #1: "I Don’t Think It Can Happen for Me"

Your brain is wired to protect you. If it convinces you that love isn’t possible, then you stop trying—because failure isn’t an option if you never play the game.

If you don’t believe it can happen to you, it’s time to audit your environment. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Who are you listening to?

Maybe you spend hours scrolling through stories of failed relationships. Maybe your closest friend is also single and constantly complaining about dating. Without realising it, their pessimism becomes yours.

Your mindset is shaped by the voices you absorb. If you keep surrounding yourself with negativity, don’t be surprised when you start believing it.

Start looking at people who have found love. Learn from them. See what they’re doing differently. Because if it can happen for them, it can happen for you too.

Limiting Belief #2: I’ll End Up Alone

Let’s be real—if you truly believe you’re going to end up alone, that belief will shape your actions. And your actions will shape your reality. You’ll move differently. You’ll settle for less. You’ll self-sabotage. And before you know it, you’ll prove yourself right.

But here’s the twist: that fear is actually fuel. You can let it break you, or you can let it push you to level up.

The truth? We all need to be okay with being alone. Not just okay—at peace with it. Because desperation attracts the wrong people, the wrong relationships, and the wrong outcomes. When you operate from “I’m alone, and that’s a problem,” you’re going to attract more loneliness. That’s how energy works.

Flip the script. If you believe—really believe—that you’re going to meet someone incredible, you’ll take bigger action. You’ll put yourself in the right rooms. You’ll set higher standards. You’ll move like a woman who knows love is coming. And guess what? It will.

Weak belief = weak action = weak results. Strong belief? That’s where everything changes.

Limiting Belief #3: "I’m Not Good Enough"

Relationships are mirrors. They show you who you really are, not who you pretend to be.

Your behaviour is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. If you think you’re not good enough, you’ll act like it—even if you don’t realise it.

You’ll push away the right people. Chase the wrong ones. Sabotage yourself to stay "safe."

And the worst part? You’ll believe it's just how life is.

But it’s not.

Your beliefs run the show. Change them, and everything changes.

Most people don’t realise that their biggest relationship struggles come from unmet needs they aren’t even aware of. You think your partner isn’t giving you what you need, but the truth? You haven’t figured out how to meet those needs yourself.

That’s why so many relationships crash and burn. People expect their partner to fix them, to make them happy, to fill the void. But relationships aren’t built for happiness. They’re designed for growth.

You have two choices: stay stuck in frustration, or take radical responsibility. Learn to meet your own needs first. And when you do bring them to your partner, do it with curiosity, not blame. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try “Help me understand when this started happening.” See the difference? One starts a fight, the other starts a conversation.

When two whole people come together, that’s when magic happens. That’s when a relationship becomes a force multiplier instead of a battlefield. And that, to me, is where the real excitement begins.

Limiting Belief #3: I’m Too Old

Women of all ages say this—because it’s true. We all want love in our lives.

I know this firsthand. You can find love at any age and every stage of life.

My dad’s friend is living proof. He’s in his 70s. His wife passed away after a long battle with cancer. Heartbreaking. But life wasn’t over for him. He found love again. Got married. Started fresh.

Most people think love has an expiry date. That after a certain point, you just have to “settle” or give up. Nonsense. Love isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a lifelong journey.

You’re never too old. Never too late. And if a man in his 70s can find love again, so can you.

Limiting Belief #4: Dating Is Scary

Yeah, dating can be scary. Rejection stings. Awkward silences are real. And let’s not even talk about ghosting. But if you let that fear control you, you’re stuck before you even start.

Here’s the truth: There are thousands of men out there who would love to take you out. And instead of seeing dating as some terrifying emotional rollercoaster, try this—deliberate dating.

Deliberate dating means showing up with intention. It’s about going on first, second, or even third dates—not to find "The One" overnight, but to sharpen your skills. To become a better listener. To stay present. To not take things personally. To detach from the outcome and just enjoy the process.

Because when you date deliberately, you stop feeling powerless. You start seeing every interaction as a chance to grow. And suddenly, dating isn’t scary—it’s just another skill you master.

You become socially skilled by dating. Maybe you started out with dating as your intention is to not meet the one. Your intention at first is to get better at dating, to become a better conversationalist, to become more present, to stop taking things personally and look at your approval issue.

This need for approval starts when we’re kids. We crave our parents’ approval because, back then, it felt like our survival depended on it. And over time, that need becomes a dysfunction. We carry it into adulthood, seeking validation from others, hoping they’ll fill a void that only we can truly fix.

Here's the secret: when you stop looking for approval from others, life gets a lot simpler. You’ll feel less disappointed because you’re not handing someone else the power to determine your worth. When you rely on someone else’s approval, you turn them into an object, a means to an end—someone who exists solely to make you feel better. But that approval doesn’t last. The truth is, only you can provide the validation you’re seeking.

I Now Have A Man Who Loves Me And Adores Me

Here’s the truth: You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you believe.

So here’s the belief I want you to program into your mind—“I now have a man who loves and adores me.”

Say it. Over and over. Until it’s etched into your subconscious. Until it feels real. Because beliefs are just programs. Most of us are running outdated ones—stories we picked up from childhood, past relationships, or society.

The good news? You can rewrite the code.

Plant this belief like a seed. Speak it. Write it. Post it where you can see it every day. Let it sink in so deeply that it becomes your new reality.

Because the moment you believe it, you’ll start acting like a woman who is loved and adored. And that’s exactly when the universe delivers.

FINAL THOUGHT

On the surface, everything might seem perfect. You're dating, putting yourself out there, checking all the boxes—yet still, something feels off. You meet someone, go on a few dates, but there's no real connection. You hit some roadblocks, leave the date with a feeling of emptiness, and wonder, Why isn’t this working?

It’s easy to forget that dating isn't just about meeting people—it’s about building connections. And sometimes, those connections aren’t made right away. It’s about exploring what’s happening beneath the surface, understanding where the true alignment is. And this doesn’t just happen on the first date or the second. It can take time.

When things don’t click right away, it’s okay. It’s all part of the process.

Take a moment to reflect. Reconnect with yourself, reframe the experience, and understand that the right connection is out there. Just keep going.

If you're feeling stuck, don't hesitate to reach out. Comment below with your thoughts or questions, and let’s keep this journey of growth moving forward.

Happy dating, and never stop learning.